Day 5...

 So that substantial supper was too much, of course.  179.2 This morning.  But I didn't eat an ice cream sundae when Mary bought one yesterday, so at least the sugar resistance is working to some degree.

Breakfast was a half a toasted peanut butter and jam sandwich, very light on the peanut butter.  And I'm snacking now on an entire serving of rice crisps, 110 calories.  Plus a Clearly Canadian blackberry water, 90 calories.  Lunch will be a bag of seasoned shredded vegetables (200 calories) and there's a Picky Bar in my backpack -- no doubt I'll eat it! -- 200 calories.  So that's my work day!

I will NOT be stopping at Dairy Queen later!

-------

11:44 AM. We now have all new smoke/heat/carbon dioxide detectors throughout the house with 10-year battery backup... How awesome is THAT?!  No more random smoke detectors laying around hoping to be reinstalled. 

At the moment I'm stalling and trying to wait until noon to eat my lunch.  

Tomorrow we're taking Amtrak to Old Orchard Beach for the day.  After some research, apparently you can sit on the beach or you can eat.  Or maybe commit to walking a very long way on the sand!

3:32 PM Getting twitchy.  Want food.  Could easily snack on something.  Maybe I should or else I *will* stop at Dairy Queen later.  [sigh] Finished a seltzer can.  

OK.  3:48 PM.  I'm having Nature Valley Biscuits with Almond Butter (190 calories).  I will focus on enjoying it.  And another can of seltzer.  And some vitamins.

Day 4...

 And on the fourth day, the electrician came to replace ALL the smoke detectors.  The best part?  I can throw away all the broken ones that are laying around here, there and everywhere!  Oh, and we can live in safety!

Starting this entry at 7:20 AM because A) the electrician is coming so I'm up to tidy up a bit and 2) today's number is 178.6 which is a LOVELY thing.  I have to go to work today, so it'll be another day of talking myself out of eating.  

Also, do not take No-Doz at 7 PM and then expect to go to sleep.  That wasn't the brightest move -- maybe  a Celsius drink would've been a better plan... a little rather than a lot.  Ah well, it was good to get the things done that I needed to, last night... Also to be able to drive safely.

Started the day with Shakeology -- cocoa powder and banana.  Finished it around 11:30 AM.

Started a Celsius drink (10 calories).  FYI -- these have 200 mg of caffeine, so NO, do not drink these at 7 PM either!  And ALSO, do not use them to TAKE a caffeine pill.  Crikey.  I could be on the ceiling.

Lunch will be a Lean Cuisine (300 calories).  If I can get too snacky (NOT snarky, thank you, autocorrect!), there are snack bars here.  But I'm holding off on lunch for now.

Nearly 1 PM and I'm making lunch.  Typing this to avoid the while-cooking snack attack. So 300 calories soon to be coming my way.  Almost done the Celsius drink.  Then to think about supper.  Being Thursday it can include meat and cheese.

Finished lunch and I still want food.  Ugh.  If I can just wait for the food to arrive at my stomach... 

1:43 PM  Broke down and had a Picky Bar (200 cals).  It's okay. 

2:26 PM  Starting a fizzy water.

So I went home... Ate one package of Lorna Doones (140 calories).  For my supper, I had three eggs, with some veggie sausage, 1/4 avocado, and maybe some cheese between two wraps.  A very substantial supper. Managed to NOT need anything else and I've been thirstily drinking lemon water since then.

After last night with no sleep, I'm headed for bed.  It won't take much doom scrolling for me to be asleep!  Oh, and I closed all my rings, including the exercise ring by walking to and from work plus whatever else I did today.

Day 3

So, can't seem to use a phone app to write these.  Oh, well.

This morning was a disappointing weigh-in... 180.4.  UP.  But I remember from yesterday that I ate a banana and had 10 Pringles -- so there's 200 calories I didn't need... Is that really enough to go UP?  Also, no 💩 yesterday.  So, there's that.  Whatever! 

Because I wasn't at work today, there wasn't that CONSTANT need to eat.  In fact, for this and that reason, I didn't eat ANYTHING until after noon, when I ate a 200 calorie Picky Bar.  And nothing after that!

At supper, I noticed that I have to eat while preparing food because now I'm thinking about FOOD and I want it NOW -- instant gratification, right?!  Also, I went to the grocery store for a few ingredients for supper and I can't leave without SOMETHING.  So I bought a box of Lorna Doones.  The great thing is they come in packages inside the box.  One package = 140 calories.

So while I made supper, one package of Lorna Doones.  Then, supper was a very virtuous pita bread (90 calories) with hummus and lettuce.  And I stopped at one of those knowing that I was going to eat a piece of cake later at church.  Which I did.  ONE piece.  Totally worth it.

A tiny bit of 💩 today.  And not nearly enough water.  

In other news, Khione had chemo today and her bloodwork allowed it.  The discharge report said she was still in complete remission.  She has two weeks off before her next treatment!

Obligatory photo, just because:

I went to work briefly to get a report for my colleague in Australia, so took a quiet minute to write this there.  Now I need to go home and do a quick thing for the BMD club which I said I'd do this afternoon, but I didn't have the headspace to do it then.  I took a caffeine pill at 7 PM so I have the headspace NOW... No worries, it'll wear off!  I needed to be awake at 7 so I could listen to a talk attentively, AND drive through the darkened streets of Lynn to pick up G and then home again.  I do NOT like city streets in the dark.  

OH, one of the best parts of today was that someone who I know is far away and actually institutionalized at the moment and so I totally understand WHY I don't hear from them, when I sent a spontaneous, throwaway text, suddenly responded and we had a whole conversation.  That made my entire month, that did.  

Day 2, Dog Walk & Tai Chi day

So, THAT was rewarding at least.  Lately, I could do a giant walk and the next day I would weigh more. But THIS works.  This morning, after walking the dogs with their yellow lab friend, I weighed 179.6.  That's down 3.4 pounds IN A DAY!  Of course that's not sustainable and there was definitely that BM urgency.  But at least I could get a pat on the back for a day spent resisting eating too much.

This morning so far... A large piece of multi-seed toast and a banana.  It felt like too much.  I have a Picky Bar and a Lean Cuisine to eat while I'm at work.  Those are 500 calories together.  So I need to make a plan for supper.

It was a good walk this morning -- 4.5K or so and I closed my exercise ring without telling my watch I was actually exercising, which seems to make it record more exercise.  The dogs were only moderately muddy rather than ridiculously muddy when we got home.  And I had enough oomph left over to wash the visiting Bernerdoodle, who has been throughly slobbered on during her time with us.  Kepler just loves to chew on her ears.  Being a relatively small dog, that whole job took about 10 minutes.  Then it was time for a shower, during which I listen to a Story Corp episode about two guys who were twins and morticians.

I'm on my second sparkling water can so far today.

Tomorrow?  Drop Khione off in Woburn for chemo.  Drive to Waltham to try acupuncture for Duncan. Back to Woburn to pick up Khione.  And then maybe visit a seamstress to have a jean jacket Duncan bought amended in some way... He has ideas.  Without riding, that's practically a light day!  Just have to map out the driving piece so we are in Waltham by 9:30.

My officemate has already eaten lunch.  I'm okay so far.  THAT's interesting.

12:46 PM Managed to wait til now... My frozen dinner is in the microwave.  The thing I'm delaying now is not just eating that Picky Bar while I wait for the frozen dinner to cook.  Because I'm SO immediate feedback... That's not the word... Maybe I meant instant feedback?  Super ADHD, anyway.  Almost done.  3 minutes then stir then 1.5 minutes.  Now that I'm thinking about food, I'm SO -- found it! -- instant gratification!!!

2:27 PM Starting my third can of seltzer... Need to fill my pill box.

4:08 PM Pills sorted!  Almost time for Tai Chi.

8:33 PM Tofu, veggies and rice with sesame seeds and a lovely sauce for supper, preceded by 10 Pringles = 100 calories.  Now I'm trying not to eat any more.  I did some lemon flavor in a glass of ice water and that was lovely.

And now D and I are watching some Mob Psycho 100.   I will try to NOT eat anything.

Meanwhile, John is having vertigo.

Time to try again...

 I'm constantly bombarded with weight loss media... "Try this, try that"... And "it's impossible, you're menopausal, give up now!"

And that's been some of the problem... I did just give up.  And now I'm 183 pounds.  Which is potentially more than I was when 40 weeks pregnant.  I'm lugging around almost 60 extra pounds.  I *could* lose 60 pounds and be astonishingly thinner... And still not the lightest I've ever been.  60 pounds is a lot to contemplate.  One-third of my current weight?  Crikey.  I could talk myself out of trying.

But it's a Monday, so why not give it a go. Challenges?  There is SO much food in the world asking to be eaten!  Yesterday I accidentally made TWO cakes!  And it turned out yummy!  One of them is in the fridge to take to church Wednesday night.

How does one make a cake accidentally?  Well, the recipe called for a bunch of ingredients (as they do)... SOME of them were for the topping.  I went too far and dumped in a whole can of pineapple with juice that was supposed to be part of the topping.  Oops.  So, I ran up to the local market and grabbed another cake mix and more pineapple (so I could actually make the topping), added more eggs and oil, and made two cakes... It came out AMAZING.  And the single batch of topping was enough for both cakes.  It was meant to be a mandarin orange cake, but it became an orange/pineapple cake.  Even better!

I've tried a couple of different magic weight loss supplements.  I gained more weight.  The only thing that has ever worked was write it down.  So this is me.  Writing it down.  BORING.

So far today:

Shakeology with cocoa powder, banana and almond milk

One Picky Bar -- 200 calories, 10g protein.

Are we bored yet?  Yes.

This will jazz things up a bit... Here's my youngest.  He turned 19 on Saturday.

Where will he be in a little over a month?

Another Crikey-worthy thought!  I can't wait for him to BE there, to go to his first class, do his first homework, get his first feedback, and please, God, MAKE HIS FIRST FRIEND.  

In other news... BM status:  Check.  With urgency.  That was quite something.

Lunch plan:  leftover salad.  No protein on it.  Will add dressing.  

Managed to wait to eat lunch until almost 12:30 when I was genuinely hungry.  So much of the time I eat because the food is there and/or because I enjoyed the food. 💚 carbs! 💚 crunchy carbs!  Like, just because I had a giant shakeology shake doesn't mean I'm done -- where's the crunch?  I NEED CRUNCH.  So then something else has to be eaten.

Re-ordered a fridge for D from Home Depot after the first order was cancelled on me and then the fridge was out of stock at that retailer.  

The thing is that NOW I'm bored.  I'm almost done with this salad.  So I'm thinking three granola bar sandwich cookies would be a lovely dessert.  But if I can avoid eating the first one, that'll be the way to go.  I'm telling you this because it's Day ONE.  And I have a serious sugar addiction.  Which means I'm almost as desperate for cake, candy, cookies, cupcakes and ice cream as John Mulaney would have been for drugs.

2:32 PM Still thinking about food.  Managed not to eat anything.  Have started on my vitamins and Rx, etc. with my second can of fizzy water.  Including my first caffeine pill of the day.  Wanting to doze off.

Asked D if he thought a counselor might be a good idea.  He didn't want it to distract him or interfere time-wise with other interactions at school.  The sentiment is good at least.  People enjoy him, if you find the right ones.  A few thousand new ones ought to include SOMEONE who would find him hilarious. 

4:10 PM Almost to the end of the work day.  Still finishing up my supplements.  Have NOT eaten since lunch.  Do not currently know what is for supper.  That will be where this day of moderate eating goes to hell in a hand basket.

8:38 PM Dinner was a cheeseburger with mushrooms, lettuce, tomato and mayo.  I ate one fake chicken nugget when my parents called.  So the dogs got the rest of the chicken nuggets.  Oh, and one bite of hotdog.  After work, we walked the dogs to the field and then down to Millbrook Meadow and then home. Next up, order Duncan a pizza at Firing Up and then proceed to HW to pick up Gillis from the train station there.  

 

Right before bed, I sprinkled a little sugar on some tomato pieces.  THE END of Day 1.

Chinese Epics...

 So, just because I kept forgetting the names of these, and because they are amazing, I'm documenting the names of two Chinese epic TV stories here:

The first one John got me hooked on was The Untamed:

And after I never wanted to see another one because THAT one had my heart and I didn't want to displace it with anything else, then he got me on this one, with the ridiculous name of Handsome Siblings:

Not that either trailer truly represents the shows.

Lenten-Friendly Cabbage Roll Casserole

 Lent has begun and at the beginning, it's always a bit of a challenge to get back into the swing of being vegan all the time.  There's breaks for fish, of course, and shellfish is okay, but John doesn't eat those things, so I need to be prepared for all vegan, all the time...  I headed to Allrecipes for some inspiration... Being the week of St. Patrick's Day, cabbage was SEVEN CENTS/LB at Shaws... Cabbage... Hmmm.

Anything with ground beef is EASY to convert to vegan, so when I found Cabbage Roll Casserole, it sounded easy, made a LOT (leftovers! lunches!), and I could easily switch it from meaty to vegan.  There are pictures...

Shopping:

One head of cabbage

Onions

29 oz. can of tomato sauce OR your favorite jarred sauce

White rice (or rice that will normally cook for 20-30 minutes on the stovetop)

Box of Vegetable Broth (need 28 oz)

Optional bag of shredded carrots

2 bags of vegetarian grounds like Boca, Morning Star or Shaws Organics brand

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350.

Drizzle a large fry pan with your oil of choice.  I chose avocado oil. Chop one big onion and stir fry with two bags of vegetarian grounds, until you have browned the grounds.  Towards the end of the process, stir in pepper, oregano, basil, garlic powder, etc.  Be generous.  Do what you wish with salt.  Try cayenne pepper and/or red pepper flakes.  I never measure savory spices.  

While that's browning, roughly chop the head of cabbage, and mix it in a LARGE bowl with the 29 oz. can of tomato sauce and 1 cup of rice.  When the grounds are done, pour them into the cabbage mixture and stir that all together.

Spray a lasagna pan with non-stick spray and pour in the cabbage mixture.  Pour the 28 oz. of vegetable broth over the top.  Cover the dish with aluminum foil and bake for an hour.

After an hour, take off the foil and stir.  If you want to add MORE veggies, now is the time to add 2 cups of shredded carrots.  Put the pan back in the oven and bake for another 30-40 minutes until the rice is soft.

In the meantime, I'm going to go make tofu chocolate pudding...  After the hour and a half, the rice was done and the cabbage still had texture.  Definitely a comfort food dish.  

Pictures:

(Including Khione helping me blog this recipe...)